Why Yesterday Was THE WORST

So it started out fine. Woke up early to write my final paper for novella class. 

It was due online by noon, and I had a writing center appointment for a first draft at 10 am. 

I was feeling good about it, but then in our last class the professor said: oh that time deadline is for the undergrads.

As long as you get it up in time for me to read them Friday morning you're good.

So naturally that translated to please procrastinate all night.

So I woke up early, started plotting an outline and was singularly uninspired so I went online and cancelled my appointment at the writing center. 

But then I remembered miraculously that I still had to go to campus to distribute evaluation forms to the last class of my undergrads that I am writing assistant for. 

I was running late. 

I got an email finally from HR that they needed a copy of my résumé an a copy of my diploma. Hollins diplomas don't fit in copy machines so I just shoved it in my backpack. Then my laptop decides that it's not going to hibernate when I shut it. So I have to turn it off the wrong way. Then I remember my resume is only on that. So I turn it on. Go to email it to myself to print on the desktop. 

Firefox freezes. 

I am gonna be late. 

Firefox unfreezes.

Email won't load.

Email loads.

Compose message window won't open.

I remember that flash drives exist.

I plug in my flash drive. 

I'm gonna be late.

Device installation freezes.

I finally copy them over.

I have no time. 

I am like fuck it ill print on campus.

I get my shit and go outside.

In the driveway are two packages that I decide shouldn't be left outside when there are no cars. 

I am holding my planner.

I throw the packages into the entryway and accidentally throw my planner as well.

I think do I need it? What if I need to give someone my schedule? Ill grab it.

Put one foot inside the entryway, my rubber sole is wet, it slides completely put from under me, rippling up the rug and I land tailbone first onto tile.

I am in pain.

Like, full body can't breathe can't unclench any muscle in my torso pain. 

I would've laughed my ass off if i had been positive i still had an ass...or had I been able to feel any emotion but pain.

So I unlock the door, toss my glasses somewhere, and lay flat on my back on the couch waiting for the spasms to be over.

I like fuck the evaluations, fuck this class, fuck my shoes, fuck that rug, fuck my planner.

But I have to go. 

So I get up and start driving to campus.

My car hydroplanes at a stop sign.

On the entire 35 minute commute, I hit every single red light.

I am not kidding and I wish I was. 

Every single light turned yellow when I was just far enough that I wouldn't hydroplane again.

So the commute took the longest it ever has.

Then there is no parking so I have to park off campus on the street. 

I walk to campus and then walk to the building then walk to the classroom.

I knock on the door, I go in, prof says why I'm there, I hand out the forms, say I can't be in the room, and then leave.

Then after 10 mins go back in. She hands me the forms and I leave.

All that pain for 10 mins.

Then I head over to the MFA office to print my résumé. 

I print it.

I walk over.

I walk in.

It is my second time in HR for this one thing because the first time I went the student worker knew nothing and told me I was fine on paperwork and her supervisor in a lunch party also said I was fine, but I emailed anyway an was told to bring the resume and degree literally 10 mins before I left (and before I fell).

I fill out 2 forms, and she takes a pic of my degree to print bc it's so big and she exclaims how inconvenient it is but it's the size everyone who graduates wishes to have. 

Long story short I now know Adelphi gives out tiny degrees that can fit into copy machines.

So I was good with HR.

Then I drive to California Pizza Kitchen to meet my MFA friend Sara for lunch.

Got a Caesar salad that didn't have like any dressing on it and we split a mushroom pizza that had no sauce on it, just Swiss cheese and mushrooms. I hate Swiss cheese. 

So I'm still unimpressed with California Pizza Kitchen.

We laugh about my shitty day and talk about people in the program and the classes we are taking next year and it was great. 

Then I get home and have to write that damn paper before work at 8.

I write it.

I write it for 4 hours and it ain't bad. It's kinda okay actually. Hopefully.

I post it online along with a short blog post about the last book we had to read and now I am done with that class.

Then I went to work. 

For 4 hours we stood around and talked about how much we don't care anymore and how being here til midnight is pointless stupid torture and then we had to clean machines.

So with my back how it was I still had to carry 2 gallon containers of yogurt and full buckets of machine wash over and over and then bend awkwardly over the sink rinsing all 163 machine pieces.

Then mop, bc my supervisor "didn't get to it" while I was rinsing all the parts. 

Got home at 130 am. 

Sat on Facebook.

Home Internet isn't fast, and must be reset before I smash something.

So now let me list what I have to do this weekend:

Work tonight, tomorrow, and Sunday night. 

I have to workshop 2 stories. Extra, mind you. Not part of the original syllabus.

Revise one or two of my submissions.

And for Teaching Writing class:

Make a syllabus for the intro to cw class, including the objectives and grades and the schedule and everything. A complete syllabus.

Choose short stories, poems, and plays that we will assign as reading for the class and write up a defense of how exactly each one will be useful for the students.

Write up a grading policy.

Write a single spaced page of our teaching philosophy, aka what do you want to / think you will accomplish as a teacher of writing?

Two lesson plans, so a minute by minute guide for an entire 50 minute class.

Two fiction exercises, with defense of how they're useful.

Two poetry exercises, with defense of how they're useful.

Two drama exercises, with defense of how they're useful. 

So basically, I am thanking Martha for having our paper due yesterday and NOT on top of all that!!!

Now I would say here "f you don't see me on Facebook this weekend this is why" but we both know that I'll be procrastinating on there.

So yeah.

Ill blog again after my date ;)