When I was home, I'd go shopping alone. I'd go to the bank and then get food. One night I just drove around and went to a few places but didn't get out of the car.
I've found that staying inside makes me sad. I get nostalgic for people, places, or things. Like I've explained before, sometimes I just can't stop myself. Sometimes I wonder if any person in my life just wants me to shut up already about London. Maybe even the people who were there too want me to shut up. It's over. It happened. Move on.
What can I say about Australia so far? In the future when I'm talking about it to everyone for whatever reason what would I say?
I suppose I can say oh well, speaking of internet, when I moved to Australia with friends we didnt have wifi at the house for weeks, and had to pay $3 bus fares to the public library just to go on Facebook #firstworldproblems. And check email...that was important too....
Oh your dream is to go to Australia? Well I have been. I moved there for no reason except the opportunity arose and I took it. What's stopping you? Then it would become a "My Dinner with Andre" scenario only more people would roll their eyes at my pretentiousness.
Hey speaking of monsoons, we've been in the middle of a two week - soon to be three week - rain storm. Have we conquered it? Yes. Have I laughed as my friends yell Disney lyrics while absolutely soaked to the skin? Yes. And it was great. It was freeing. It was cool.
But then it has been weeks. Our last outing was Shorncliffe, and the last time I left the house for a decent amount of time was going into CBD with Emily U to meet up with Emily G after her job interview.
Emily and I had to stand on the bus the entire way, because apparently the City was just the place to be that day (maybe because the sun was out in the afternoon for once). We met Emily and walked into Queen Street Mall to go to the tourist information centre.
We stopped in a souvenir store, where I bought two more shot glasses that are so cute. Emily G made fun of me because they were hand painted and I checked the entire stack on the shelf for one that was perfect. I guess I'm like my mom in that way, always picking the best one (or the fullest one, if its a soap) (or the cutest one, if its an animal in any form). Finally found one that was good.
Then we went to the Myer Centre food court, where Emily U and I got bubble tea, and Emily G got some japanese food. The bubble tea I picked was absolutely disgusting but I drank it anyway. Emily said hers was delicious. Emily G ate her food, and we talked about jobs and her interview and CVs/Resumes and all that.
We went to the tourist information centre and grabbed ALL the brochures. everything we could ever want to do in Queensland, we got a brochure for.
Then we decided to walk to the Botanic Gardens. Brisbane CBD is lovely, and all of the parks we've been to in Brisbane so far have been so impressive and beautiful that I'm just wasted on city parks forever. This one gave Belfast's Botanic Gardens a run for its money:
Then about 3/4 of the way to the ferry stop, it began raining. As usual. So there we were, walking along the muddy low-tide looking and smelling banks of the polluted river, dodging cyclists and joggers walking to the pier where we were getting the CityCat ferry (a ferry service which takes the same card as the buses and trains!). Meanwhile raining. Meanwhile mosquitoes. Meanwhile low-tide and dead bird smell. Then we found the literal dead bird.
Then we saw the pier, and stood under an overpass for like fifteen minutes because the ferry was late. Then we walked out on the pier, when it began raining harder, and got onto the slippery metal deck of the ferry, where thankfully there were still open seats inside.
Looked at the river during the ride, surprisingly un-seasick (and I didnt have any booze to quench that) (and even if I did have booze, I couldn't drink it without getting fined $220). Then we got off at Regatta, walked up the stairs in the rain to a little bus stop, waiting for a bus. The bus that came next wasn't going to our house, so we took it to Indro shopping centre and caught a different bus, in the rain, that drove us down to our bus stop.
In the rain, almost didn't notice (in fact Emily G didn't notice) that Cal had walked down to the bus stop with umbrellas and my raincoat, so we wouldnt have to walk back to the house in the rain. He won a few husband points for that from Emily U/B.
Since that day, I've gone to Indro to get groceries, or to go to a certain store. I just went there yesterday to get groceries and a few cards. I'm planning on going to Indro today to buy some more groceries that were on sale....and then get some bubble tea. boom.
I've been sitting around worried about grad school. I applied to four schools, and have been accepted by two, denied by one, and the other hasnt answered any of my emails yet.
I got accepted to one that has immediately asked me to register for classes.
I got accepted to another that prompted me to accept their offer of a place (so to not lose it) and then says they wont give any information on the super specific program details until July. Then they opened their scholarship application - which I applied to - and won't hear a verdict on until July.
I don't have until July to wait.
I have been going crazy waiting for the fourth school to give their decision - because that is my number one choice.
I have been going crazy trying to figure out what I'll do if I get denied there and find myself having to scramble for the loans and find enough money to pay for the 2nd school that I won't know if I can afford until July.
I dont like the classes being offered at the first school, and I dont really want to go there, but if I have to, if I am almost forced to because of money, or for personal reasons, then I can't say I'll be happy.
I watched a documentary on the 2004 tsunami. I say watched, but the movie is split into 8 parts on youtube, and I watched one and a half parts before I had to turn it off and try to go to bed - because I was sick to my stomach and about the throw up if I watched another second.
I spent all night thinking about it, having my stomach in knots every time an image crossed my mind.
I started getting really anxious, almost to the point of full blown panic attack, thinking about how dumb it was for me to be thinking about graduate school when all I should be thinking about was how far I was from home and how if something like that happened here, I wouldn't be with my family. if something like that happened in the us, i would be able to fly back right away. I was thinking about how I've been bitching about the cost of graduate school and how I was livid that I can't get a job here - and then seeing videos of people on holiday in paradise dying.
It was a real bum night.
The next morning I called both of my grandparents and talked for two hours. I've been really homesick and that just made it all the more important for me to contact everyone, let them know I love them and I'm thinking of them.
Then after that, I knew I had to finish the documentary. I had to do it to feel better.
So I watched it.
I felt better in the sense that I no longer wanted to throw up at the thought of it - but still not better, because then I thought about the Brisbane river flooding again with all this rain. I thought about our upcoming trip to the beach and how if a tsunami happens there, we won't have anywhere to run.
Here's the thing:
Every single moment, we are in danger of death. We are almost as fragile as the flys we swat. Every day I have to remind myself not to think about it.
Instead I think about graduate school, where I'll be, if I'll be away from home for another two years, if I'll be spending all of my time away and then coming back to have people not be there? Why do I want to go away so much, if my biggest fear is death? Would I choose to spend every moment in the presence of someone I care about? Someone I will miss, or someone who will miss me? Shouldn't I choose that?
I am with my friends from Hollins here, but if I go to graduate school in London, I will be alone. For two years I will be gone, home for christmas and summers.
This post has gotten heavy. And this is the reason that I've found I NEED to leave the house. Because apparently if I dont, I will watch youtube videos of natural disasters, panic, and then re-evaluate my life and where I have placed priority and where I have placed myself.
So what do we say to the god of death?
Not today.
I'm gonna get bubble tea now.
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